hey i know its been so long since we spoke like normal couples, i dont know whats gonna happen next, but right now there's no one else i wanna be with more than you. i am not sure if i have lost you completely but the thing is i wanna be make everthing right with you and make things work, im ready to put my heard and soul into this, and once this is fixed i dont know whats gonna happen, will i go back to being the same old toxic me or will i acutally have changed? i too have no idea. im in a state that even if you come and tell that my love was never love i would belive that. its completely upto you to decide on what you wanna do. ill be here waiting for you like the dog waits for their owner to come back.

To love is to let go. if i say im letting you go. that's the most stupidest thing ever- letting go. well there are other reasons to let you go, like the guilt that i left you alone, like the times i choose to be with other people other than you. i am not that great of a person, if you ask me why should you be with me. i really dont have anything to say. i dont know what am i suppose to do. am a kind of person that has no goals nor any ambition its like i simply existing and serve no purpose in life. even if i die now, what that something you will rememeber me for? maybe its by the pain i have given you.

yep, your love for me is gone. what do i do now? what do you want me to do? even if you give me another chance your love for me won't be the same anymore. so i'm not here for a chance. actually i don't know what am i here for. i still leave in denial that you love me the same. but you and me we don't know that's not true. you know that song that's goes like “I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you” it really started to hit. i can feel your love drift away do you want me to hold on to you. but for what? what do i even i to give it to you. you said about rohit. he sounds like a wonderful guy. maybe your mom might even consider you getting married to that guy. do you want me to fight against him? will i ever win? will i outweigh you and your mom? even though i know he is better than me in all the aspects, do you still want to be with me? you might say yes. but if you are with him i know you'll be happier, and have a life you wanted and not compromising on anything, he'll treat you like how you wanted to be treated. he'll be there when you need him. me knowing that you'll be with a guy of your dreams i'll be happy. maybe deep inside i wish i could have been him. but i guess there's no way in fixing this. seeing you with another guy might kill me or i might come to see you happy. from school all i wanted is you. now that i got you. i didn't know how to keep you with me. i lost you within six months, how will i be the guy who understands you? i have had you and now i know why i can't have you. maybe this is a lesson i learnt, love has many meanings. you thought me then all. should i stop trying and just see us as friends? i have dreamt the future of us. i cant see you that way. is hard to be alive now. i dont know anything. i feel completely lost i dont know what am i doing with my life.

Breaking up is incredibly difficult. It's hard to let go of someone you love, and it's almost impossible to pull off something like this. Since you have decided to let go of me I can see how much I have hurt you. should I also let you lose? If someone asks me what is love. You'll be the first and only thought in my mind. I'll tell them that love and relationship isn't the same thing. I loved you whole heartedly, but i failed at relationship. I'll tell it was very precious that I couldn't have it. But I could have a taste it and it was the most beautiful thing ever. Her hugeeee nose, the innocence in her smile, the purity in her love. All of them so elegant that I couldn't posses them all. I couldn't have them all. But there was something about her, she was like a family to me, which made me say anything to you irrespective of how much it could hurt her, like family I always expected to forgive me and accept me for whatever I did. We used to have fights at least twice a week to everyday of the week, this didnt hurt me much but it did hurt her a lot. Eventually it became to much that she couldn't take me anymore. What I had with her, its impossible for any other person to have this, they might relate to my story but it want be the complete story. She was the mother of the kids we never had, I was her son, she always took care of me like her brother. the only time she realized that im her boyfriend is when we kiss, rest all the time am her friend. later, things changed, love took its finial stages. I dont know how it's gonna go. Until then, she is the girl I always wanted to have. her voice saying “baby ma” still echos in my head each and everyday. She will always be my girl. She will always be my baby ma.

I wish there was somekind Of way, knowing that you were in the good days before they have gone, I don't know if I will ever have you again. You were the best thing that has happened to me. I know I fucked it up. I was never really deserving you but, still God had listened to me he had listened to my promises and gave you I still fucked up.